I don't really feel like writing but thought I should let you all know that I will be taking a hiatus from blogging for awhile.
Kelvin and I have broken up for the last and final time yesterday. This was unplanned and stressful for the both of us. We have come to realize that we're not meant to be with each other. For the best interests of both parties - we've departed. It's a really crappy time of year to be breaking up when others are getting together with their loved ones. The decision was not a light one but it had to be made as we were going nowhere with each other and external influences were basically what kept us together.
I didn't sleep at all last night and thought about the many years of ups and downs that he and I have been through. It's a relationship that will be hard to forget. I'd like to say the past 10 years have been good but that's not true either - we had our challenges. I want to be diplomatic and say we parted on good terms but realistically - who does? The only thing I'm grateful for is to find closure to this relationship. I try not to let my emotions rule and see the logic behind it but at times it's tough to put on a happy face. This morning I had to host the Social Club's Children's Xmas party and as I was up on stage in my jester costume - I was finding it hard to pretend to be happy/chipper. I guess not sleeping didn't help and as usual - events don't always go smoothly so that added extra stress to my already stressed out mind. After the event I just came home and crashed. I'm physically and mentally tired.
Good thing I have tomorrow off. It's good timing as I'll have time to mope around and adjust/absorb what this break up will mean. Time to start thinking about making myself happy and losing the unhappy thoughts. As a favor, I ask that if you see/talk to me that we don't discuss Kel or "what happened" as I want to move on with my life and talking about unhappy stuff is just like reliving it. Thanks.
I just had a conversation with Kel's mom who was so worried as she just got the news from him. I'm touched by the amount of love and care from his side of the family for me. I tried to reassure her that life would go on and that eventually everyone get use to it. Everyone is hoping that this is just one of our usual "temporary" break ups and that we'd eventually resolve our differences. I told them that it's not and that this time is the final time. Both Kel and I are emotionally drained and will not be attending any of the planned events with friends or family.
If I don't speak to you soon. Have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and all the best in 2008!